We all know that gut wrenching feeling when you finally wear that dress, skirt or blazer that you’ve been wanting to wear, just to be overcome with anxiety about what others will say or how they will look at you. When I tell you I’ve been there, i mean it. I lived in a very small community for 19 years and its hard to shake societies ‘norm’ and start experimenting with how you look, especially in a place where everyone knows you.
Small Town Mentality
In small towns/communities, many people are more wary of chance and prefer to maintain the status quo regarding social norms. Which is fine in their own right, however a lot of people with this mentality will let you know how they feel and why you should too, which isn’t okay.
Small towns- everyone knows everyone & everything…
This is known as “small town mentality”. This term is used to describe a set of attitudes, behaviours and beliefs associated with people who live in small towns or rural areas. Usually, the community will be very close knit, with a strong sense of relationship (whether they like each other or not…), strong sense of identify and traditional values. One main characteristic is limited exposure to diversity. Small town people are used to what they’re used to and lack broad acceptance unlike people from for example a city. This was one of the main reasons I decided to move away at the age of 19 and almost start a fresh. Start a life where no one knew me, no one cared about what i looked like or how i dressed.
How to Mentally Break the Cycle
Going back to your small home town after living in a big city where its very diverse, everyone minds their business and no one knows you enough to care or comment on something they might view as “different” is hard. First year of university I started my instagram page where I put together outfits, very different to what the typical 20 year old girl at home was wearing. To be completely honest, coming home after my second term wearing what I was wearing felt quite empowering. I finally felt good standing out and didn’t mind the obvious stares. Big city life can do this to you. It reminds you that life isn’t that serious. If you like it, wear it and visa versa, if you don’t like it, don’t wear it. Simple.
I think also going away to university helped with the worry of not everyone liking you, because lets be real, the reason why we don’t want to be different is because we’re worried about being liked. Of course we want to be liked, it’s in our nature. The acceptance and approval of people around us initiate up our oxytocin receptors, nurturing feelings of safety, bonding, and lower anxiety. However, its all about being liked by the right people. At university, there was tens of thousands of people on campus every single day, it would be impossible for them all to like you. Not every single one of the tens of thousands opinions matter or should matter. I soon came to learn that you only need to value the opinions of people who matter the most to you and truly care about you as a person, therefore wouldn’t judge you for doing something that makes you happy.
Small towns demand the conformity that larger towns and cities don’t have. These places can make you feel that the only way to fit in and be liked is to be just like your next door neighbour, and their next door neighbour etcetera. However, if you want to move out of the “small town mentality” and the quicker you can shift the mindset of wanting to fit in the quicker you can feel like your real self.
When people don't leave their comfort zone, they develop a fear of change, and fear of change results in a resistance to change. All in all, linking this back to fashion and being experimental with it, you should prioritising how you feel in your clothes, and not what other people are thinking of them.